Jules was very much serving everyone else, including in her name and her identity.
Jules realized that this journey wasn't just one that would change her body, but it would change her soul and mind.
Jules lives today for herself and herself alone. It's a peaceful life, and she's grateful for it every day.
Always Giving of Herself
Jules Ann Marie appears to be a human Energizer Bunny. She is always on the go, traveling from coast to coast, meeting with friends, entertaining colleagues and hosting events and parties. Everybody loves Jules because she can talk to anyone, makes everyone feel warm and welcome and is always open to do something fun.
Jules joined the program thinking she’d like to get in better shape and lose some weight. But she had no idea that as she got deeper into the program, what she needed was something else. She realized her life had become too chaotic in areas and she no longer was enjoying life. She had lost her spark.
“I just felt like I didn't have respect for myself or confidence in myself.”
Learning Through Self Awareness and Self Love
Before the course, Jules was always hosting. She not-so-jokingly says that she felt like an innkeeper. She was always entertaining, taking care of others, and giving away her energy. This involved giving to friends, family, and her long-time partner. But in the Feel Good Junkies course, she had to write things down. She had to admit to herself - and put on the page - that she was giving to others more than she was giving to herself. It stunned her to see in her own handwriting:
"My energy goes to everybody else."
Much like her classmates, there was one particular exercise in the course that really impacted her; it really shook her. It was early on, when the women in the course had to pull out their journals and write down their beliefs. They were challenged to go down 3-4 layers of truth on their beliefs to get to the CORE BELIEF. She questioned herself:
All the hosting she was always doing... Was that enjoyable? A further question: was it something she did for validation? For acceptance? An even further question: was it something she did for others rather than for herself? She found in that moment something so jarring: that so much of her everyday life was for others and not for herself. Seeing this on the journal pages was a huge message of truth. It was the first time Jules had taken an honest inventory of what was truly running her behavior and why she kept giving away her power and energy.
Stronger on Her Own, Choosing to Move On
Jules has been in a long term relationship for nearly 20 years. She had hoped the relationship would eventually come to marriage but she sees now that, over the years, it has become more of a friendship at best. Although this union affords her plenty of opportunities due to financial stability and security - she realizes that she longs for more commitment, intimacy, passion and true love… and that she’s worth having all of it.
She’s begun to make changes within the relationship, taking small steps in creating a transition plan for her to fully move on with her life. Her aim is to maintain the friendship as they’ve spent so much time together - there are no hard feelings.
“I'm trying not to be negative, at all... but I do have to break things and let it fall off, so I can move on to the next thing. The next stage of my life.”
She has realized that she wasn’t honoring or respecting herself in the relationship, so she could not expect those things from her partner. Jules has vowed to honor and respect herself moving forward so she can create a life and love she’s always wanted. Although this big change is scary, she’s excited for what’s to come:
“This is all about ME, what I'm working on. Every day is a new beginning.”
A Name Change
In this not-so-distant past life of serving, Jules had a last name that belonged to her ex-husband. She was married to this man for only a short time, but kept the name. She’d had lived with it for more than 20 years now, and she’d always been hesitant to change it as everyone knew her this way.
As well, Jules isn’t her first name rather, her given name is Judy, a name she never liked. Jules is her nickname that she chose for herself when she was just 6. But because of her mother’s insistence that she keep her given name Jules didn’t change her legal first name either, to avoid upsetting her mother. So, her friends and colleagues would call her Jules - as her mother would continue on with Judy.
With new self-awareness, Jules realized her true identity and a name that would help her embrace the powerful woman she is. Now, she’s in the process of legally changing her first and last name. She feels that she’s no longer willing to please others but instead, she’s embracing who she is. She gives credit to the course and her group of women peers for the strength and resolve to do that.
Not Changing, Becoming
When talking about coming to who she truly was, Jules wouldn’t say she’s changing. She wouldn’t say, “Oh, I need to change or I’m working on changing.” Instead, she’s come to say that she’s becoming. In that philosophy, she shared that she’s not focused on being a different person.
Instead, she’s focused on blooming into the person she truly is. She is becoming who she’s supposed to be: the woman without insecurities, without need for external validation, and without self-criticism. When the people in her life float away, due to her becoming who she’s meant to be, she welcomes that. She welcomes it because Jules knows that who she is BECOMING is who she was meant to be all along.
With that self-love and awareness, she’s felt better on the inside and the outside. She has started doing things for herself first. She just started dance lessons, after having taken a year-long break. She hikes. She golfs. She’s been painting and drawing. This woman that Jules is becoming is someone she welcomes with open arms. She welcomes this because she’s learned to love and appreciate herself completely.
Me: Hey God.
Me: I'm falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God: I would rather not.
God: Because you aren't a puzzle.
Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?
God: Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.
Me: You don't understand! I'm breaking down!
God: No - you don't understand. You are breaking through. What you are feeling are just growing pains. You are shedding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren't falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don't need anymore to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don't fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.
Me: Once I start doing that, what will be left of me?
God: Only the very best pieces of you.
Me: I'm scared of changing.
God: I keep telling you - YOU AREN'T CHANGING!! YOU ARE BECOMING!
Me: Becoming who?
God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself with that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don't change! ... Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I'm going to keep telling you this until you remember it.
Me: There goes another piece.
God: Yep. Let it be.
Me: So ... I'm not broken?
God: Of course Not! - but you are breaking like the dawn. It's a new day. Become!!!
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Sign up for the next round of Feel Good Junkies!
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